"Child Who Treats Parents Very Badly"

Remember around fireworks night those harrowing government films would come on in the middle of the toy commercials during CITV warning us about handling fireworks and not getting caught in the bonfire and stuff? I was such a little puss I used to flat out walk out of the room covering my ears when they were on, I always found them genuinely distressing, the thought of a burnt up face or getting trapped in a fire haunted me for weeks if I was stupid enough not to see one of these films coming in between the Boglin and Sylvanian Families ads. The thing is, they fucking worked, those fear mongering little shorts -I never went within a hundred feet of a firework once they were lit, and I'm still a bit scared of them now.

In Arab countries they show those kind of films all year round, except they're more worried about issues like obedience and less concerned with telling the kids the truth, and their government films reflect that. This film, entitled "Child Who Treats Parents Very Badly" is a pretty great example of the powers that be freaking the kids out and presumeably thinking that the end justifies the means. Woah. Behave, kids, or you'll get turned into a furry snake demon like this stupid girl who told her mum to fuck off or something.

Uganda Skateboard Union

They have skateboards in Uganda now! Isn't everything just a dirt track out there? It's pretty funny that he's wearing a cycling helmet, that's a pretty nerdy move. He has nerd shoes too, but he's still shredding the rad. I always knew that skate shoes were a conspiracy, there's nothing special about them at all, you could skate in brogues as long as they were a tiny bit grippy on the bottom. Idi Amin was from Uganda, he used to call himself "His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular". You'd think someone might have called bullshit on that, but no one said a word, they were worried about getting fucking eaten.

Negative Creeps

Have you seen fmylife.com? It's mainly Americans complaining about their jobs but if you go in the 'top FML' and 'flop FML' sections you can find the gems. That's all really. I've got a cold today, I'm not on form at all.

Better Off Dead

In case anyone who looks on here wants a brief break from the tawdry filth in which we deal, go and check out our friends at Better off Dead.

Sturrock wins a Grammy

watch - you can see him lurking in the background. Good of him to dress up for the occasion and dump the baseball cap. Gentlemanly new do though... I think he is telling one of Franz Ferdinand that his Tottenham badge that looks like a Stone Island logo is 'a lot'.

Making A Mess

Tom Beard sent me these over today. He's got a new blog of his stuff, be sure to check it on the regs...

WANKER: Darryn Lyons

You'd think that a guy known as 'Mr Papparazi' would know how to not look like a complete fucking arsehole in every picture of himself.

DOOM AND GLOOM

Lixo's got it right.

Livin'

ELLE EYE VEE EYE EN.

Notorious Molesterer

I'm pretty hyped about watching the new Biggie film when it's released. Saw a trailer for it on tv yesterday and it looks sick.. Just one thing though... I hope they don't dwell too much on his friend 'Gutter'. He seems like a pretty undesirable character, and frankly I'm disappointed that Big was such good friends with him that he even rapped about what he gets up to in his spare time...

This site about bad rap lyrics brought this to my attention. Worth clicking on, but if you can't be arsed then i've copied the best bit here:

"Don't they know my nigga Gutter fuckin' kidnap kids?
Fuck 'em in the ass, throw 'em over the bridge.

Ummm ... What?

Did you just say...

When we first heard this line, we reacted like Chris Parnell upon hearing Ron Burgundy tell San Diegans to go fuck themselves: 'Why Biggie? Why!? You were our hero and now you have to go and ruin it with your poop mouth!'

Don't get us wrong, violence in rap is, for the most part, acceptable across the board. Whether you're talking about slapping a woman (Eazy E, "Boyz N Da Hood"), shooting a cop (Ice T, "Cop Killah'") or cutting off and mailing someone's body parts to them (Jay Z, Nas, Biggie-All The Time) we're all for it. The violence is all part of trying to get ahead in the game, and that, for some reason, is okay.

But bragging that you hang out with people who rape children? Well, that crosses just about every line that rap has been tip-toeing up to this point in time. Saying you're friends with Pablo Escobar? Bad ass. Saying you're friends with the Atlanta Child Strangler? Ummm, not cool, really in any circles. Firing off shots in a crowded lobby (Nas, "NY State of Mind") is great, we just don't want to hear how you like fucking hitch hikers with a buzz-saw before turning them into a skin suit (Biggie, "The Album He Probably Would Have Made Were He Still Alive")."

Kingz of the TrILL.

Friday.

PWBC

Palace Wayward Boys Choir have a lot of female admirers, they're stand up guys (although Stuart is a bit bookish for my tastes) but I don't get it. If I was a girl and I got taken back to that grimey hovel they occupy in Waterloo I'd make an excuse about having a venereal disease and be down those rickety steps and out the door faster than you could say 'bs tailslide bigspin flip', but something about about the stench of stale tea bags, weed and rotten shoes gets girls hot. Anyway, this is their new section for some video or other. Up the Waywards, etc.

Koalas = G.O.A.T.

There’s nothing about koala bears I don’t like. Not only do they sleep 22 hours a day (and get high on eucalyptus for the other two), but aren’t they just THE CUTEST?!

Look at this little guy – apparently it was really hot so when he saw a basin of water in this family’s home, he stopped by to cool his nuts off.

Doesn’t he look like the cutest little old man you’ve ever seen? Doesn't he?

LUX INTERIOR

Lux Interior has bought the farm. He was sixty, which is pretty much the same age as my dad who, although a good guy, knows nothing of Lux Interior's work. I often wonder, when rock stars are my dad's age, what it would be like if they met and hung out. My dad is a pretty amiable guy and I reckon it would go ok if it was a dinner party and they didn't have to hang out with one another exclusively, but if they had to take a four hour drive what the fuck would they talk about?  Suggestions in the comments box below....

Lux:

My Dad:

Trans Formers

I was looking for a picture of Pete Burns to put on a pillow as a device to stop premature ejaculation (not joking), and I stumbled across some great tranny stuff. The thing about trannies is they have a pretty warped view of femininity at best.

This is the best picture of Pete Burns I found, btw.

Once I saw him nearly crush a smaller, less significant gay who requested an autograph on Old Compton Street. He's almost eight foot in his heels, I bet he's tasty in a fight. 

I found these tasty gems on Ladybunny's blog, which is a must read for the curious-minded...

MIND THE GAP

So I was minding my own business, cruising the Daily Mail website for facts to confirm my fear of gays and foreigners, when I stumbled on this charming young couple. She is 73 and he is 35, which is a little unusual but totally fine. They share a hobby and they are very much in love, so whatever, dudes, chill out and stop da hating. Sure, he looks like a ventriloquist's dummy in that photo, but like I said, whatevz dudes.

Also, he wears her fucking pants.

SNOW COCK

I've been hanging around at the offices of a popular gentleman's magazine for the last few weeks. It is a lot of fun there and I shall be sad to leave.

Doggy Style

I know of a few people who have had this happen to them, I think it happens a lot at festivals. (no sound so you can watch it at work)

RAP & SOUL

My Snoop tshirt met some other "urbane" music greats last night.

SPOTTED ON CAMDEN HIGH STREET

When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell
Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tell
It don't make sense, goin' to heaven wit the goodie-goodies
Dressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodies
God will probably have me on some real strict shit
No sleepin' all day, no gettin my dick licked
Hangin' with the goodie-goodies loungin' in paradise
Fuck that shit, I wanna tote guns and shoot dice
All my life I been considered as the worst
Lyin' to my mother, even stealin' out her purse
Crime after crime, from drugs to extortion
I know my mother wished she got a fuckin' abortion