I <3 Ginger Beards (no homo)

No fucking way.

I knew that being a 'late bloomer' in the facial hair puberty stakes wasn't always going to be a walk in the park, but now that I finally have something close to 'a beard' I realise that it's COMPLETELY ginger.

Brilliant, except for one drawback - it marks me out as a member of the Ginger Beard League, a group of gay men who want to command the planet. Guess that must be why Rooney shaved his off long ago.

Premier League Darts

Where's this at the Beijing Olympics? I would love to have seen an important Chinese politician putting medals around the necks of 3 sweaty and morbidly obese men that smell of fags and lager.
Probably still wouldn't get up at 3am to watch though.

Cheering in Public

As someone with a Southern accent, there are few things scarier than having to cheer in a public setting.

“Yaaay!” just sounds gay and insincere. Traditional cheers like “Hooray!” and “Huzzah!” are only for people in Victorian novels. And the only alternative is to just ejaculate a roaring noise which is only going to attract attention. I think that’s why so many people shout “Come On!” in those situations. Tim Henman always did.

I’ve always hated people at nightclubs doing the communal ‘Disco Call’, of “Ooowi Ooowi”, a) because it’s such a gay sound and b) because it really reminds me of being at under 18 disco’s and all the disappointment involved there…

So it was with quite some degree of jealousy that I heard Scottish people having their own – much more masculine – ‘Disco Call’, where they all chant together “Here We, Here We, Here We Fuckin Go!!”. Like most other ways of voicing cheer in life, it can only really be done with any degree of credibility in an accent that isn’t Southern.

Fuckers.

T in the Park

Ok, it was a pretty long time ago now, but T in the Park happened recently. Unlike any other festival in Britain. Here's some images that sum it up for me:

Deep Fried Burgers, Sausages and pies. Deep fried Mars bars (not pictured, but I'm sure you can imagine) also blew my mind.


Staple passed out guy, but this was EVERYWHERE and at only like 5 in the afternoon.




The Kaiser Chiefs are still so huge at every festival you can go to. Still not very cool though.