A Candid Discussion

Here are some of my friends discussing their first wanks. Maybe you could share your first onanism experience in the comments section and we could compile a book.

Cheering in Public

As someone with a Southern accent, there are few things scarier than having to cheer in a public setting.

“Yaaay!” just sounds gay and insincere. Traditional cheers like “Hooray!” and “Huzzah!” are only for people in Victorian novels. And the only alternative is to just ejaculate a roaring noise which is only going to attract attention. I think that’s why so many people shout “Come On!” in those situations. Tim Henman always did.

I’ve always hated people at nightclubs doing the communal ‘Disco Call’, of “Ooowi Ooowi”, a) because it’s such a gay sound and b) because it really reminds me of being at under 18 disco’s and all the disappointment involved there…

So it was with quite some degree of jealousy that I heard Scottish people having their own – much more masculine – ‘Disco Call’, where they all chant together “Here We, Here We, Here We Fuckin Go!!”. Like most other ways of voicing cheer in life, it can only really be done with any degree of credibility in an accent that isn’t Southern.

Fuckers.