Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Woah, just like buses

You wait for a post for a whole week, and then two come along at once. Except that it's not just two posts, but two posts stolen from the pages of the Daily Mail... What can I say, I've become really conservative since I left London for Kent.

Anyways, the Daily Mail website is a must-see every day because in amongst the 'normal' news stories they cover, they are also guaranteed to host some ludicrous excuse for a news story, just so that they can squeeze in some saucy pics of girls in bikinis. All still written in a 'Oh, lord, this is what other newspapers are writing about, so you'll need to know what all your trashy friends are talking about when you see them, but really this is kind of thing is abhorrent...' kind of way. They always include fairly racey pictures so that the olg fogies who subscribe to the shitsheet will get their kicks and continue to buy it.

For example, this story, which is basically just centred around a photo of Sonia from Eastenders riding a horse, only you can see a bit of unwanted cleavage... Or this story, which you're unlikely to see on the Channel 4 News.

The crux of the issue seems to be that a couple of girls (20 and 28) who act in soaps are wearing bikinis in a swimming pool. All urgent stuff, I'm sure you agree.

Anyway, Imagine the shock of a nation when millions of old men took to the Daily Mail to have a look at some lythe young flesh in action and were caught out by this article. Thankfully they have made care to dampen the arrousal by blurring out the faces of the girls involved, but it really is quite an odd concept that someone has come up with - to create a beauty contest for slutty 'tweenage' girls and then putting their full names, home towns, bra sizes, 'vital stats', and photos on the internet... Pretty fucking weird. Take this lass, 13 years old, and frighteningly looks to be in her mid 20s.

Maybe it's just a clever ruse by the paper to incriminate the pervy parts of its readership who are obviously then going to flick through the majority of the site... Best avoid it in case your name and mugshot appear on the front of tomorrow's issue.

And don't go bookmarking it for later, by the way.

I think it was time...

...to leave home a looooooong time ago.

When your mum looks like a poorly stitched sock puppet, and has paid £45k to look like it, you've got to start questioning her judgement.

If you didn't need more of a wake-up call to get your life in order, you could always pose for a picture in the Daily Mail where somehow, you look exactly like her. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

If I were her, I'd salvage what I could to support a new life on the streets. I reckon her boobs must be about £5k each. You could slice both those puppies off in her sleep and leave home ten grand richer. Ta-Da! No more fear that you are rapidly following in the footsteps of the worst female icons ever.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Saturday, 16 May 2009

It's a Boy Thing

If a girl looks awkward it's only because she's being all sweet and coquettish. It takes a boy to look truly awkward. Check out Ronaldo here when he spots a team mate's erection: (relax, just play the clip it's only about 3 seconds long):

Or some of these awkward family photos:

The main reason why it's only boys who can really look awkward is because girls have nothing to be scared about in their appearance. Worst case scenario is that they might have tucked their skirt into their pants or that they might be standing by themselves. Frankly these are only going to appeal to the predatory instincts of men and make the girl look even hotter. However, boys always have one fear in their minds. That they'll get busted in public rocking one of these...

There is no dignity to be salvaged from being seen with a boner in public.


(thanks to Kat and Anonymous)

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

What a Perfect Day

So, ATP was fantastic fun. I think this video just about sums up the Saturday. Izzy convinced a guy to bring his mum's car in front of the chalet so we could have a better soundsystem (this was at 7am). The guy helpfully obliged, but quickly regretted his decision after he found himself doing this:
the best bit is when he says 'my mum's going to kill me' and then gets on the roof and starts dancing. and also when Caius says "do the robot" and he does.

Despite the journey back involving breaking fown four times, and about 2/3 hours of waiting for the RAC to tow me only to within 50 miles of my home, and a subsequent 3 train journeys, when this song came on my ipod everything seemed alright.

Todd Lundgren - I saw the light (Right-click to save)

Thursday, 7 May 2009

"Oh Wo Oh, The Sweetest Thing..."

Hsing Hsing and Ling Ling, the Chinese pandas gifted to the USA in the 90s during the act of love. They might be pandas, but it still feels very intrusive to look at them.

Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Latin American Religious Relics

Are way better than the rest of the world's. Especially when you find them on griddles at local restaurants. Ok, the bit on the right isn't a great resemblance of the Virgin Mary, but the bit on the left... Fuck, that's absolutely amazing.

Ps, I think I'd break down in tears and refuse to clean the griddle if I had to do that everyday, regardless of if there was a vision of Mary in front of me or not.

Shirts Off Crew, Intl.

Contrary to what you heard Shirts Off Crew really is a global team. Fans Worldwide baby. Pretty Necro / Hot stuff. Look out for some appearances across the Dorset area this weekend.

GetMe! v Noodles&Broth on Friday Night

I'll be off to ATP, but Noodles&Broth mans dem will be at the Old Blue Last playing music. Rumours are that it will also see the return of Knowledge God in the downstairs bar with Johnny Rockwell, baby.

Rad skateboard

Sunday, 3 May 2009

Friday, 1 May 2009


Old Ali G is sooo good, it's pretty anoying that when all the DVDs came out when i was at school i didn't buy any because i was pissed off that it was popular.

Still, the new Bruno movie is going to be coming put soon, and i bet it'll be really funny. The bit where's chained up with a man looking for a locksmith in this trailer looks brilliant.

Bruno Official Trailer (R-rated!)

Some favourite quotes:

"So I can still admire another man's penis in the shower, but the moment I put it in my mouth some sort of line has been crossed?"

"So I can still admire another man's penis in the shower, but the moment I put it in my mouth some sort of line has been crossed?"

"Why don't you just put them on trains and send them to a camp and say bye-bye?"