Monday, 30 March 2009

Be safe be seen

Going off round the Balkans for a few weeks as of Wednesday. So might
try to update noodles with a few camera phone shots of what we come
across. Hopefully not too many footbally hooligans who 'earn their
stripes' by raping competitors (like the head of one of the Belgrade

Anyways, back in Kent for. While and everyone's wearing high vis
jackets. Not sure if I've missed out on a trend or not. Check out this
guy. Hanging with his bird wearing full army fatigues and a high vis
jacket like it ain't no thang.

Good on him.

Sunday, 29 March 2009

Friday, 27 March 2009


England friendlies are shit. Total shit. Always. You might think you care where Gerrard/Lampard/Rooney get played but it doesn't matter because the Keegan will just play Steve Guppy on the left anyway.
At least with muppet-faced Capello in charge there is the prospect of colourful encounters like this one between Capello and Di Canio.

"In 1996, when he was coach to Milan, the future England manager took his club on tour to the Far East. Leading a China XI 1-0 in Beijing, Capello told Di Canio he was replacing him with a midfielder to preserve their advantage. The outraged striker questioned why he found it so important to win what was "only a friendly" and in return received extraordinarily personal insult and a transfer to Celtic.

Di Canio: What the fuck are you doing? You're crazy. You're sick in the head.
Capello: And you're an ugly cunt with a face like a penis."

Friday, 20 March 2009

Erection Selection Mix

To paraphrase ABBA in Knowing Me, Knowing You... "making love is never easy, i know.."

So to help you guys make the most of the springtime vibe out there at the moment, we've decided to make a mix that will guarantee that should you manage to bring a girl back to your room... well, let's just say you'd better have enough breakfast ingredients for two. Oh yeah!!


Track listing:

Prince – Erotic City
This is to put the idea out there early. Sexy, freaky, bubblin’… O’Real likes to kick things off with this…

Plastic Bertrand – Stop Ou Encore
Ladies love French accents. This’ll give her a talking-point and make sure she thinks you’re super intelligent. Bonne chance!

Wang Chung – Dance Hall Days

Slightly dancey, this one’ll get her swaying her hips, and help build up the sexual tension in the room.

The Hollies – Another Night
Another slowy, but not too slow, and importantly… not too sexy. This is to throw her off the scent. Pretty innocent songs. She’d never guess what you’ve got bubblin away in your mind!!

Steely Dan – FM
Ooh!! You smooth mother funker! Real fun-lovin’ stuff from Steely Dan. Hopefully you’ve been doing your part of the deal up ‘til now and keeping up some good conversation because the next few songs is where things start to get sensual…

LL Cool J ft. Total – Loungin’
If music is the food of love; R&B is the food of making love. The sexy rhythms kick off here. Lean in and drop the hand at this point if you haven’t already done so.

Yvette Michelle – Everynight Everyday
A little more up tempo, just to let her know you might be wanting to go to bed, but you aren’t wanting to go to sleep. Far from it Cowboy!!

Lil Kim – Crush on U (remix)
Playful, cute, this should encourage the to-ing and fro-ing which will surely be happening now.

Teddy Pendergrass – Close The Door
Enough of the R&B, a girl likes to be treated the old fashioned way. This smooth classic should show her you understand the old fashioned skill known as ‘love-making’

The Deele - Shoot em Up Movies
“Bang Bang, Gotcha!” – oh, yeah, shoot it up some more Cowboy!!

Heaven 17 – Temptation
Phew! That was starting to become slow and predictable, exactly what you don’t want to be. Spice up the situation with this steamy, saucy sound. You might also want to ignore/embrace the fact that it’s a gay anthem at this point.

Inner Circle – Sweat
She’ll be glad to hear you don’t take yourself too seriously when she hears this one, just make sure that if she cries out you push it, push it some more, too!!

Serge Gainsbourg – Bonnie and Clyde
Comedy in the bedroom can be useful, but you don’t want to be seen as a joke. This more romantic vibe should set you back on track. It’s all in French, so you don’t have to worry about what they’re saying, just be safe in the knowledge that you are skilled in the language of love. Play on, Play on...

Charme – Gorgy Porgy
If Luther Vandross’ voice alone brings you to climax, then hold your horses and pull out for a while. Otherwise, this 7 minute slice of downtempo disco will provide the perfect rhythm to bring you both off!!

The Charmells – As Long as I’ve Got You
For the rougher lovers out there, this Wu Tang sample will really bring out the C.R.E.A.M. in you!!

Gary Wright – Dream Weaver
You should comfortably be in the throes of ecstasy by this point, so the music is really becoming less and less important. All you want by this stage is a background while you make your own music (!!) so here it is.

Yazoo – Only You
Tender and sincere, just like you.

The Style Council – Long Hot Summer
If you have a cigarette, light that up, you’ll probably be through the home straight now, nothing to do but lie back and bask in this beautiful melody and make some small talk. Mission accomplished.

It's tough being popular

I guess it's the quivalent of Google-ing your own name, but if you run a website or something, you might want to check out to see how popular your site is. The top 1,2,3 is Google, Yahoo and Youtube, which I was pretty shocked about. Who uses Yahoo these days??

We're a comparatively lowly 1,411,338. Which sounds shit. But given that Netcraft said there were at least 2,970,000,000 websites 2 years ago, it's actually alright and puts as as more popular than at least 95% of other websites. No one likes a bragger, but, you know, just thought I should mention it...

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

American Chocolate bars (Candy): A Comprehensive Review

I went to New York last November, and as Newark Airport only has one shop ended up wasting my last $20 on chocolate bars. It has taken me the best part of 5 months to eat all 8 of them because they are each so epic. This is what I thought of them:

Hershey’s Take 5
Chocolate, pretzels, caramel, peanuts, peanut butter…
This pretty much sums up eating chocolate bars in America. Like chocolate?? Then you’ll probably like everything else sweet, so let’s just put it in all in one bar for you so you don’t have to buy anything else you fat boy… the first thing you learn about American chocolate bars is that the aim to please everybody. If there’s an ingredient that someone might like, then they’ll throw it in the mix. You know, just in case. It’s a surprise there are any different bars over there at all and not just one big bar which contains every flavour ever.
Anyway, Hershey’s Take 5 is pretty much EXACTLY what you want from a chocolate bar so you can’t complain, soft, crunchy, sweet and chewy, I guess it’s the American equivalent of a Double Decker (my favourite chocolate bar).

Twix PB (to go)
Maybe I’m in the minority here, but for the most part, my chocolate bars are very much, ‘to go’ all the time. I’ve yet to sit round the dinner table crack out a few Twix’s, but maybe the rest of the world is different. Anyway, yanks looooove throwing peanut butter into ANYTHING. If that means spoiling a national institution such as a Twix then so be it. Nevertheless, I really liked this bar, much more than regular Twix’s (which I’ve found to be pretty boring for the past decade, much like 4 finger KitKat’s…)

Hershey’s Milk Chocolate filled with Peanut Butter
Oh, ok, I get it, American’s really like this peanut butter thing… I can see why, it’s pretty sweet, has a nice tang to it… goes well with chocolate… not a bad chocolate bar at all… But everything seems to be King Size. Is that really necessary?? It would be ok if there was regular option, but I couldn’t see anything of the sorts. There’s nothing regal about eating big chocolate bars, that’s just plain greed.

Hershey’s 5th Avenue
Now, if ever there was a chocolate bar that overstepped the mark, this was it. Yeah, I like caramel as much as the next guy. And butter? Yeah dude, on toast I can fucking eat that all day long… But a chocolate bar made out entirely of that sickening taste of wafery butter, over and over again?? And only in King-Size format?? This isn’t going well…

3 Musketeers
3 Musketeer’s bar may sound more than a little bit like a Steve Martin endorsed chocolate bar, but you know, in American chocolate terms that translates pretty much directly into “MILKY WAY.” The fact that there’s only two bars in this is the most confusing thing. Not one to recommend, I felt thoroughly depressed by the time I had my way with this one.

Cadbury’s Caramello
Cadbury’s is my favourite brand of chocolate. Regardless of how much proper chocolate-heads might look down on it, the taste is second to none. This is pretty much just a Cadbury’s Caramel, except that it is, of course, King Size. This makes each cell of caramel a huge chamber, and for my tastes, completely ruined the fine balance of chocolate to caramel that I’m used to. It made the whole bar very sickly, and frankly, it soon became a chore to eat.

Mr Goodbar
As if to confirm that most American confectionaries are really just re-hashed recipes of each other along comes ‘Mr Goodbar’. I’d thought I’d already reviewed this one, but it turns out I was just mistaking it for every other bar in America. Yep, fine. Not much to report apart from the fact that it tastes pretty unremarkably good. It does remind me though, that I don’t like Hershey’s chocolate. It’s just too dry and dusty, and tastes too much like the cheap kind of stuff you hang on Christmas trees. If this was Cadbury’s I might just love it.
6.5/10 (just because I’m getting bored of these tastes)

Pay Day (with phone next to it for scale)
This bar, I left ‘til the very end. See, I’m not sure what I think of peanuts in ‘candy bars’, so I wasn’t holding out much hope for it, and anyway I’d had enough caramel to last me a lifetime after all these. It again confirmed to me how huge American bars are compared to British versions, and the mere thought of having to eat the whole thing filled me with dread. It was quite tough to open because the bar itself was so sticky and had glued the wrapper really tight. They don’t mention it, but I think the whole bar is a long piece of nougat with caramel and peanuts on top of it. Nice and chewy, although the first bight’s a bit of a shock because the peanuts are so salty, and I really wasn’t expecting that.

Monday, 16 March 2009


Well, maybe not yet. But when it is, we'll be dj'ing at the Globe again, which is good because it's better fun than you'll be having at your shit party.


Thursday, 12 March 2009

Terrifying East London Cult

It turns out that there is a cult on Shacklewell Lane who worship Gabriel, and paint his face on the walls. Thanks to Georgia Rose for the photo, spotting it, showing me, sending it to me, and pointing out that it looks exactly like Gabe. Creepy.

Wednesday, 11 March 2009


Hey, if boredom has got the better of you there's a million and one games you can play on this phonetic keyboard of the future. Try typing your name out and see what it will sound like when robots control the world. Which of your friends has the hippest sounding name??!

Tuesday, 10 March 2009


ME: did you have a myspace? i dont think we were friends
PityParty22: we were
PityParty22: you bastard
PityParty22: you were in my top firends
ME: oh dear
PityParty22: think you still are
PityParty22: jesus
ME: I remember
ME: shit
PityParty22: sure you do
ME: awkward
ME: how do i get a chatlog of this

Monday, 9 March 2009


US!! Well, actually this happened on the 3rd of March, so we're pretty late. But still, it's taken us a whole year to contribute this much meaningless xxxposts of meaningless crap to the internet. Well done us.

Have a look at how far we've come here


Saturday, 7 March 2009


Not that I want to blow my photographic load on this fine morning, but our Friend Tomo also has a lovely photo blog. He has recently become a sexy, brave, dashing, daring, fighter pilot. You can see photos of him hunting the filthy reds here.He gave me a NATO standard issue sick bag he got on this trip too, eventually I will get round to scanning it.


Gavin Watson is the father of skinhead photography. If not the son, mum, daughter, uncle and aunt of it too. Anyway, his blog is an amazing catalogue of his work, and his pissing about photos too. Here is Gav (left) with his brother Nev. He explained that these suits were handmade on Wardour Street, but lamented that he just looked like a bouncer while Nev looked sharp. Have a look at for stuff like this:

Friday, 6 March 2009


We put on a night with GETME, and only miserable males showed up. That's fine though.


Dom Joly came!!!

John and Mr Joly had a fight. John looks like a badly behaved primate in this sequence.

Then Bruno kicked Jiro in the balls.

Then Jiro kicked Bruno in the balls.

Jiro was pleased.

I didn't talk to anyone I haven't known for at least a year and Alex and I split 80 quid. It was a great success.