Thursday, 18 June 2009

Now I'd be the first person to

tell you how shit 2pac is, and all the rest of it... But I'm also not too big to admit that sometimes I might be wrong - see I really do like a lot of the stuff on this album.

Probably because there's tons of other guys on there so you don't get too bored of hearing about 2pac's contradictory bullshit about how he hates bitches / loves and respects his mum and all women; is a horrible thug / really a sweet and innocent guy, etc, etc.

2pac - Thug Life (Mediafire download) Stolen from this blog, which is ace.

While I'm at it, these 2pac songs are really good too:

2pac - How do you want it (Right-click to download)

2pac - Temptations (Right-click to download)

Working in a Call Centre

About 7 years ago I spent a summer working in a Call Centre, which was definitely the lowest moment of my life. Tedious is not the word. Each call lasted about 20 minutes and I had to reel through dozens of screens of text and repeat the same words verbatim over and over again. One time I tried to spice things up a bit and and said things like 'hello' instead of 'good afternoon', but the manager was monitoring me and he went ape shit. I've never been bollocked for a more meaningless reason in my life.

Luckily there was another guy working there who was really sound and together we slowly but surely brought down the morale of the whole team. To try to break the monotony we made sure to play as many games as you can imagine you can play while reading a script aloud for 9 hours a day. One of my favourites was 'Consequences' - a trusted classic from the timekiller's arsenal - where you each take it in turns to draw a section of someone's body (in our case 5 seperate sections), taking great care to hide what has already been drawn and once finished, unfold it to see the comical results.

The thing is, when you start off everyone keeps on drawing Hitler or a dead whore over and over again, which is never doesn't look all that original. But... when you get the balance of irrelevant sections right... FANTASTIC!!

This is one that I saved and just found in a shoebox. I don't mean to be big-headed, but I think it's perfect. If I remember correctly we actually stopped playing Consequences after this effort because we knew it would never be beaten.

Oh, and on the back of it was a list that we made of every person we had to call who had a 'funny' answer machine message. Bare in mind this was 7 years ago, so the people behind these numbers might have grown up a little bit and changed their voicemail... Or, they might have changed it to something even funnier! Why not ring up and see?

Fucking The Future


Well, actually I think I might be kinda late on the uptake. Who knows. Fucking the Future is a place where people write want they want but you don't know who has written what (if that makes sense). In fact, a better way of phrasing that is to say that all posts are 'anonymous', even to the community of bloggers who contribute. So expect it to be full of saucy secrets and corporate whistleblowing.... Get the Bookmark in now to watch as it develops.

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Quite possibly, a very biased website

All this fuss about Twitter and Youtube being the new vehicles that are going to deliver the next Iranian revolution really whipped me up into a frenzy today and I spent a large portion of time watching videos of people on marches; suffering abuse at the hands of authorities. It's all quite exciting stuff, and would be fascinating to watch unfold live on YouTube if a revolution did really happen. Not least to see the inevitable Gil Scott-Heron song quickly rushed out as he tries to find a political phrase that rhymes with YouTube.

After a bit more time on the web I came across this site called barenakedislam, and specifically this article. At first I wasn't too sure what the site was all about, the article was really long so I just read the captions on the photos. Stuff like this is ambiguous enough..

But stuff like this made me feel like I should probably start deleting my internet history:

If anything it was surprising to see that the retards who normally just post ill-informed, hateful comments under articles actually seem to have set up a website for themselves. I was keen to see what these folks could possibly leave underneath as comments now - Would they still slag everything off? Would they begin to comment on parts of the article, quoting sections, and take issue with the author's stance?? The results were surprisingly predictable:

...Not quite sure where this guy was going with his point. I think he is basing his whole arguement (which is, at best sketchy) on the idea that anyone who has a gun and a holster must be the same person..? I don't reckon that kind of logic would stand up in court.

REALLY? You think this website is 'too PC gone mad' for you?? What the fuck kind of opinions do you hold??

Yeah Frank, bring all your racist fucking idiot friends over to read barenakedislam, I genuinely do want to hear what kind of stuff you're going to say (I honestly would love to hear it).

Ha Ha!! Oh Shit!! Please - stop it - you're killing me!! HA!! First, he hits us with the 'pack of bacons', and then the almost mythological story about 'msulims' having their heads filled with pigshit... That is just too good. I hope this is one of Frank's friends. If it isn't, I'm half-tempted to think it's a hoax from a saboteur trying to ruin the otherwise high-minded level of debate that occurrs on the site.

Well... Not really much humour to be found in this comment. Guess this must be Frank's more militant friend.

Monday, 15 June 2009

Best Soundtrack, like, EVER

Just rewatching Scarface. The soundtrack is soooooo sick. I guess all the songs are made exclusively for the film because they all sound the same - but I could listen to these songs all day long. The one with Blondie singing 'Rush rush get the yayo, Buzz Buzz give me yayo' is a particular favourite.

Scarface - Original Soundtrack (Rapid share download)

1. Scarface (Push It To The Limit)
2. Rush Rush
3. Turn Out The Light
4. Vamos A Bailar
5. Tony’s Theme
6. She’s On Fire
7. Shake It Up
8. Dance Dance Dance
9. I’m Hot Tonight
10. Gina’s And Elvira’s Theme


Beavis and Butt-Head

About 6 months ago I had the mother of all hangovers and after about 2 hours sleep woke up with a hankering to buy some DVDs. Taking the bus rather than the tube to Oxford Circus was just the first of many bad decisions I was about to make.

For some reason I thought it was a good idea to drop over £100 on a selection of DVDs that I would NEVER watch... Amongst other things it seemed essential to buy every episode of Ren and Stimpy that has ever existed, both series of The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer (not the far superior Bang Bang It's Reeves and Mortimer - which is is like wandering through the mind of a clinically insane Aborigine), a factual film from 1953 about a Leicester-based biscuit factory who take a daytrip to London, and every episode of Beavis & Butt-Head that ever existed.

Despite each sketch only being about 4 minutes long, the Beavis and Butt-head anthology is surprisingly hard to wade through. Without the distraction of the rock videos that the couple watched on the actual MTV show, the DVD is just a series of one-off banal events that are surprisingly predictable. Watching more than 3 sketches in one sitting is more than enough motivation to turn off the TV and do something productive with your day.

If this is making you feel at all nostalgic about the good old days of MTV, I'd definitely suggest you download and listen to this Beavis and Butt-head album rather than rewatch old episodes. See, as it has real bands involved in the sketches and real songs, it keeps Beavis and Butt-head as the sideshow to the entertainment which they always were in the original cartoon series and takes the pressure off their (albeit funny) repetitive jokes.

Beavis & Butt-Head Experience (Mediafire Download)

"I Hate Myself and Want to Die" (Nirvana)
"Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun" (Beastie Boys Cover) (Anthrax)
"Come to Butt-Head" (Beavis and Butt-Head (Mike Judge))
"99 Ways to Die" (Megadeth)
"Bounce" (Run DMC)
"Deuces Are Wild" (Aerosmith)
"I Am Hell" (White Zombie)
"Poetry and Prose" (Primus)
"Monsta Mack" (Sir Mix-a-Lot)
"Search and Destroy" (The Stooges cover) (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
"Mental Masturbation" (Jackyl)
"I Got You Babe" (Cher with Beavis and Butt-Head (Mike Judge))
"Come to Butt-Head (reprise)" (Positive K with Beavis and Butt-Head (Mike Judge)) (hidden track)

Monday, 8 June 2009

You won't see this on T4 on Sunday morning

Give that Girl Some CHANGE!!

"Two Words Two Words Two Words..

.. That's Wetgrooves."

Which is actually one word (the way you're spelling it Fuckface). Winter Music Conference must suck so much if this guy is deemed to be worth talking to that I don't even want to think about it.

And on the same TV network (A3), you can relive any shit party you've ever been to by watching "The Fabulous 300" party their New Years Eve away and pretending they're half their age. Or in the case of the guy who makes out that he lives only for booze and chicks - not a raving homosexual.

If America really wants to solve its immigration problem, they should stop their current policy of retina and fingerprint scans on entry, coastguards securing Mexican borders, and save themselves a few quid by just showing these videos on loop upon entry to the country. Even the poorest little Latin immigrant would turn away in disgust.

They could even use them to combat Cocaine smugglers. If the drug barons knew that the Cocaine they grow is responsible for tragic parties like these, they would surely starve the supply overnight to wipe wank parties like these from the face of the earth.

Monday, 1 June 2009

By the way

This is the fucking most obvious fake stunt i've ever seen. Of course, we all know he was meant to get caught in the harness and fall down. But with his legs completely around Eminem's face?? And his arse crack so perfectly placed in front of Slim?? Not bloody likely. There's no way he wouldn't have just batted his legs away or ducked if he was really that bothered.

Still looking forward to the movie though.

Crooked Celebs

I thought I was pretty up on celebrity freakshows until I came across this list. Turns out Halle Berry has a 6th toe, which I'd presumed I'd know about, and Seal's facial scars are just a skin complaint rather than an acidic burn or anything. Oh, and that hot Bond Girl from Casino Royale was born with 12 fingers.

And they talk about Lily Allen having 3 nipples as if the whole world's bored hearing about it... Sorry, am I the only person who didn't know that?

Still would.

Baggy Trousers

If I had £55 in my pocket and it was a toss-up between these and some Levi 501s, I'd be hard pressed to say which pair I'd get more wear out of... These just look so comfortable. Look how small his waist is, the ankles would be huge on a pair of 34"s for me.