LAZY POST TIME - FUN THINGS OFF MY WORK COMPUTER

A Bird Just Flew

into the window I'm sat right in front of. And I'm pretty sure it died. You might be able to make out it's little bird corpse in the middle of this picture. I'm actually quite shaken up.


(For the purposes of scale it's worth pointing out that is a gravelly rooftop it is lying on, not a rocky mountainous landscape)

Political movement for making our flag less pussyish

LOOK at all these babies. Why can't we get some stabby or gunny things on our flag? I want some, big time...
















































HERE IS MY SUGGESTION FOR THE RENOVATED UNION JACK:

Where the cult of celebrity meets the natural progrsion of fine art

Everyone knows who Ross Kemp is. He is the loughavable yet tough and withdrawn hero of Ultimate Force, ITV's best SAS based drama. Well, some bright young things have worked out that his head, almost featureless in most respects apart form the essentials, makes an excelent subject for comical folding. I know it sounds like I am being sarky, but it's jsut my general tone, becasue I am a dickhead. But some of these are absolutely brilliant:

World's most depressing blog

For my work I spend a fair bit of time looking at horribly upsetting photos. From injured children in war zones, to mortally dependent old alchies and junkies, to child prostitutes and poverty stricken illegal immigrants. I am not saying these things aren't terrible and upsetting, they are, but they don't make me want to cry quite as much as some of the things on this blog. My buddy Pegs showed it to me today. This has to be the most crushingly desperate 'tips' i have ever seen, I am off to work out a way I can garuntee being able to afford high class mints for the rest of my life...

Puzzled

This has to hands down be the worst thing that anybody has ever ever tried to sell.

A fucking PUZZLE of Matthew Upson. How has this happened? Who would spend £14.99 on this? Surely people do puzzles of landscapes or baked beans?

Look at the description:

Matthew Upson portrait prior to kick off. England v Liechtenstein, Old Trafford, Manchester 10/09/2003, Euro 2004 qualifier.
Liechtenstein? Fucking Liechtenstein? This is to commemorate a match where England struggled to beat a minnow 2-0? A match used to test whether James Beattie was good enough to play for England?
And Matthew fucking Upson? What next a Chris Powell commemorative plate to mark England's 2-1 win against Finland at Anfield in 2001?

Licensed Manchester United Merchandise - wtf? This is getting really confusing.

300 Piece Jigsaw Puzzle measuring approximately 17x12 inches (43x30cm), includes a free 7x5 (17x12 cm) photograph and a re-sealable bag (Not Boxed). Estimated image size 432x305mm.
Hang on so if somebody does for some unknown reason decide that they want to part with 15 quid for this they don't even get it in a box?? How is this a real thing?

Unbelievable.

Roots of Led Zeppelin

Is a really good triple CD album, that isn't so much a background to Led Zep, more a collection of influential pre-rock blues music. I found it on this blog, which is pretty great. Although the posts may be infrequent every single album is a real must-have.

Disc 1

Disc 2

Disc 3

Oh, and don't be such a bitch about it being on Rapidshare, just get an account - it's the best.

So it seems

those pervy shots that the Arab Parrot is so popular for (see here and here), might not be kosher after all...



Here he is hitting worldwide media for trying it out on Paris Hilton and invading her privacy...

Looks like he's got good taste in doing it with an Olympus mju ii though.

"Us?? Haha, no... We're not Fascists!"

"...We just hate immigrants and want to kick them out".

So say Gaetano Saya of the Italian National Guard.

Anyone else think that their logo is bascially just dozens of swastikas stuck together?? Anyway, this is the uniform they want to wear to patrol Italian streets as a kind of souped-up Neighbourhood Watch scheme.




Like most people, I'm pretty hazy around my definitions of what Fascism actually is. But from what I gather, it has a pretty bad reputation. It's come to be a by-word for 'Racist mass murderer', but I have a friend who insists that Fascism has been totally exploited from it's original intension, and it really isn't a bad thing at all. There must be something nasty about the word, because anyone labelled with it is very quick to deny any link to Fascism, when the rest of the world is equally as quick to insist thet they are Fascist. It's all so confusing.

Regardless of what Fascists may or may not want to do, and who they may or may not want to kill, I think there's one thing we can all agree on. And that's that if the Fascists of the past got one thing right, it was their fashion and sense of style. It was absolutly spot on and truly timeless. Just check these out for some pretty amazing examples of fascist architecture:







Although they lost the Second World War, the German's would have won the battle of the catwalk. With natty little numbers by Hugo Boss, the enthnically biased boys from Berlin looked every inch the rulers of a Bavarian dominated globe.



Dashing stuff indeed. So perhaps there is something worth remembering about Fascism and reviving?

For those of you who are keen to recreate the past 'glory days' where Fascism (or whatever you like to call it) didn't need to be denied, simply visit this, frankly unbelievable, website where you can buy reproduction uniforms and camo gear. It's all good stuff, dear.

Indeed, any budding Max Mosley sexual deviant out there who want to 'relive' the experience of being dragged to a gas chamber to get their rocks off can bring a bit of added realism to the situation with this reproduction cannister of Zyklon B. A touch pricey at $50, but you pay for quality these days.



You can even sip your tea out of a Zyklon B designed mug:



In fact, that website is so fucking bizzare you could spend all day on it discovering sinful gifts of hate that you probably thought had been exterminated 60 years ago.

Have fun!!

Birthday Shoes.com

Is a site dedicated to these godawful creations that make Nike Rifts look conservative. They are marketed as an alternative to shoes, that will enhance your life by strengthening your legs and lots of other bullshit. I guess they probably come in a package with khaki 3/4 length combat trousers. Oh, and they will make you look like a prick. As if to purposefully ruin their own credibility, Time Magazine awarded them the title of One of the Best Inventions of 2007. Must have been a pretty slow year for inventions.



In a bid to show that idiots are not afraid to be publicly humiliated, those who have been unfortunate enough to buy the 'Vibram 5 Fingers' continually post pictures of themselves (often including their faces) wearing the things on the site. You couldn't make it up. This is one of the few guys clever enough to hide avoid showing his face in the picture, but sums up the creative level of smugness these people enjoy with their rejection of cultural 'norms'.



"Stimulating the muscles in your feet and lower legs will not only make you stronger and healthier, it improves your balance, agility and proprioception." Bullshit. These are nothing but a thick pair of socks which will leave you cold, miserable and unprotected in the rain. They have none of the advantages of shoes (padding, air bubbles, looking good, not hurting when people stand on your toes...), and instead only go to show the world how gullible you are. Shoes have become a staple element of clothing for hundreds of years because, quite simply, they work. It might not be glamourous, but they 'do the job'. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, etc, etc... There's no good reason to change anything about them. That these things were invented at all, and were one of the best inventions of recent times, is a truly depressing fact. I think Thomas Pynchon would point to this as evidence of cultural entropy.

Oh, and they are definitely not to be confused with Deano's birthday shoes. You'll only ever see these on one guy, once a year.

I gLOVE MJ

I had thought that when Lily Allen wore one glove 'in tribute' to Michael Jackson during her Glastonbury performance it was in kind of a kitsch fashion; meant in the same way that someone might wear shelltoes to a hip hop night and say they were 'retroooo' whilst nodding their head. But instead it seems she was just abiding by the protocol with the Jackson family. The only difference being that they were issued with spangly gloves rather than just straight white ones. The whole family wore shimmering chainmail mittens on one hand. I can only guess it was a gesture to symbolise that Michael kept a lot of his body covered up during his life.

In oder Aus

if you do nothing else, at least watch the first 40 seconds of this clip for the Fashion Polizei's frogmarch across the screen.

Arab Parrot @ Gay Pride

New York is the fucking best. Hopefully going there in a few weeks, so thought I'd check up on the Arab Parrot's blog for some good pictures to get me in the mood. This isn't quite what I had in mind (no homo), but still.





Well worth having a flick through the rest of the pics on his site... rest assured there are plenty of pervy pics of hot girls (like this) to look at too.


New York really is too much.

I have no idea

why the crowd looks so empty - surely the demand for this show was so big that they could have doubled the amount of tickets sold and takenover the whole of Hyde Park... But still, at least these two had the time of their lives. Thank you, Jam.

Being a Pussy: A Confession

I have never had a knife pulled on me, found a burglar in my house in the middle of the night, or even broken a bone in my body. In fact, nothing bad has ever happened to me. Whereas you’d be inclined to think that’s ‘a good thing’, one look at this picture of me on a rollercoaster is enough to convince you otherwise. See, whilst other people know the intense, nauseating pain of breaking a leg, or the bowel-wrenching horror of discovering your house has been broken into I have, hitherto, lived a fairly cosseted life. The most frightening thing that has ever happened to me in my formative years was wearing white swimming shorts on a school trip to the Loire Valley which turned see-through in water. My tolerance level for fear was never tested and so has remained unnaturally low. The result being that I am now, and forever will be, a complete pussy.

You only need to look at the other people in the picture to realize that I wasn’t in such a dangerous situation as I appear. My friend Ben, sitting next to me, is a good bit more ‘streetwise’ – to the point that he probably doesn’t say words like 'streetwise'. He didn’t even flinch on Saw (I saw the picture and even watched the video). He is so completely lacking in respect for the power of this ride to frighten him that he’s flicking the V’s at it. And the guy in front – although you can’t see his whole outfit, you can see enough to tell he’s wearing a full tracksuit. He’s not going to be a stranger to the old ‘fight or flight’ scenario. Indeed, he’s so used to far more dangerous situations that he’s comfortable enough to cheer away quite happily with both hands in the air. And he was on the front row.

No, I’m afraid my central nervous system is nowhere near as robust as I might want it to be. Hard as I try, I’m now hardwired to become completely terrified at the drop of a hat. Should I ever encounter something that is genuinely truly fatally scary, like being woken up at gunpoint by a leprotic rapist, I can’t even imagine how I might react. I think it could only rank as being so infinitely off my scale of fear that it would in fact turn negative and leave me cool as a cucumber and not the least bit panicked. Either that or I’d just piss my pants.

Annual Seal Hull Cunt