Short Cartoons in Viz

are one of my favourite things in the world. 'Recently Divorced Mouse', 'Ron Moody and his Violent Mood Swings'... sure they can be pretty hit and miss (just like the Letters), but when they get it right it's worth the £3 fee alone.

Animal Farm

I'm not really much of an 'animal person', and i never have been. Never had a pet, and have minimal to no interest in going on safari or in seeing animals at all. The one time I thought I should maybe take more of an interest in animals during a school trip to Howletts Zoo which specialises in monkeys (where a few years earlier one of the workers was ripped apart by one of the monkeys when he went into the cage to feed it). Just beofre we got to lunch, we saw a group of chimps (pretty cool anyway) and it became clear one of them was having a wank. I wasn't too sure what that meant at the time, but I knew even then that it was something i wouldn't want to forget.

Youtube is full of things like this, so here's a few highlights. you may as well watch them cos they're all like 5-10 seconds long. My favourite is this one of a monkey having a blow job. He tries to play it cool and check his nails half way through, but once he comes and it's over, he sheepishly turns round so as not to look the other monkey in the eye. His lust satiated, he enters a moment of clarity and his face is full of guilt, remorse, and fear as he now wonders where this relationship is going given that she likes him a lot more than he likes her.


Rhino


Zebra


and Elephants dicks are all completely disgusting by the way.


And as a soundtrack to this bestial voyeurism, you could do a lot worse than listen to the below Moodymann track 'Freeki Mutha fucka' which is quite erection inducing.


Moodymann - Freeki MF (which i stole off this blog)

Maggots on Glass

This is grim. I squashed this fat fucker, then took a photo. You can see where it's brain splashed and also, if you click on it to make it bigger, you can see the tiny maggots inside it. NECRO.

Schizo Catz

Apparently everyone knew about this ages ago - but i didn't. This artist painted cats for a living, and as his schizophrenia got worse and worse the cats got more abstracted. I think its one of the best / scariest things i have ever seen.

Wee-ly Embarrassing

School comes with many opportunities for embarrassment but I'd hazard a guess that being forced by your bitch of a teacher to continue on stage, in front of your classmates and parents, after pissing yourself is probably going to haunt you for a long long time.

Heroes

mmmm let me feast on your tears...

this is a proper debate

BUSH MEAT INTERVIEW

One of the many benefits of London’s ever growing multiculturalism is that you can now - if you know how, where, when etc – buy gorilla, rat, chimpanzee and water buffalo meat smuggled illegally from Africa in a number of London boroughs. This wonderful gastronomic news is slightly tainted by the fact that this meat could carry some of the most repulsive diseases that the African continent (market leader in vile disease) has yet to throw up. Ebola – the one where you bleed out of your eyes - is just one of the treats in store for the bushmeat connoisseur in Africa. We asked Jenny Morris of the Chartered Institute of Environmental Health just weather we should be worried about dying horribly because some retard wants to eat illegal monkey steak.


How does this bushmeat get here?
A lot of it in the past as tended to come in through the airports. It’s hard to tell how much comes in due to the illegal nature of the trade. But customs seizures over the last 3 years have increased. We still get reports that it is on sale in markets in London, especially in markets that serve ethnic communities.
Is there an ascending price list?
I guess the harder a product is to get, the more expensive it will be. So a monkey is likely to be much more expensive than a smokie (smoked rat). There were quotes of £300 for monkey.
How much monkey do I get for £300?
I am not sure if it was a whole monkey or a slice of monkey.
Why would you want to pay £300 for some meat that has been smuggled into the country in someone’s wash bag?
It is a speciality product. I’m not sure weather its just about the taste – I guess we pay a lot for fois gras, lobster, etc just because it has a nice taste. These things have speciality markets and fetch high prices.
How serious are the threats to public health? Am I going to get Ebola? Or is it just tamer risks like ecoli, salmonella etc I have to worry about?
There has been an awful lot of debate about this. In African countries there are serious health problems and infections that are transmitted by the consumption of infected meat. There is evidence that Ebola can be transferred from animals to humans this way. But, all the evidence available shows that it is extremely unlikely that these infections would survive transportation. What is far more likely is that these products will have a much higher loading of standard bacteria, like salmonella.
Do health inspectors have to try it? Like when Denzel Washington in ‘Training Day’ says that to be a good undercover narc you have to know and use drugs? Do inspectors have to know and eat bushmeat?
I don’t think that they have to actually eat it. Recognition is an issue. If it was a whole monkey or rat then you could spot them. The difficulty comes when it is cut up. But we use lab testing rather than taste testing.
Any good recipes you would recommend?
No. That’s outside my area of expertise.

Singer person is CRUEL to shit animals... BREAKING NEWS

Mark E. Smith of Manc band The Fall has been exposed as a cruel fuck who would (and I quote) : not hesitate setting about a squirrel with a pair of hedge-clippers.

"Squirrels mean nothing to me. I killed a couple last weekend actually. They were eating my garden fence"

He also revealed that he and fellow band members regularly intentionally ran over seagulls. For the full scoop check out UNCUT magazine. All those animal rights losers are well eggy about the whole thing.