PWND!!!!11

Stolen From Lords of Apathy

Warning

T-shirts with 'jokes' on them are rarely funny. It's the equivalent of wearing an A-board; defining your whole being in one phrase... If you choose that phrase to be:

WANTED: NICE WARM HOME FOR MY COCK

Then people will think you are a pervert.

Also, people will definitely look at each other when you stand up to get off the train and drop a green Crayola crayon on the table.

Jigga

Festivals are always alot more fun to watch on TV than actually going. The Jay-Z set from Glastonbury looked pretty good - Worth checking it out just to see him playing the guitar when covering Oasis for his entrance; looks so weird.. Watch it here.

Also, great video:



And a pretty good song:

Jay Z - Can I Get A... (Right-Click to save)

Nice idea, but seriously…

So, like any other day, I got up, had a shower and had BBC Breakfast on in the background. Like any other day, the most important stories in the world were deemed to centre around whether or not it would rain (Glastonbury and Wimbledon – apparently it won’t!!), and how British people can no longer afford to put petrol in their cars (try not opening the windows on your car – it creates drag). Bill Turnbull, was as usual, on strikingly bad form.

Unlike any other day however, Sian Lloyd wheeled out two plastic baby dolls… with Downs Syndrome. Now, no one even wants a real Downs Syndrome baby. Fact. So why would anyone pay money for a fake one? And then give it to their kids to play with?

Whoever had the idea of making these dolls should really have run it past a focus group first, or even tried it out on Dragon’s Den. I can see Duncan Bannatyne really shooting the whole concept to pieces in about 10 seconds flat.

Getting Old

It’s not exactly groundbreaking stuff to acknowledge that getting old is depressing.

For one thing, there’s increasingly no chance of running hot girls, instead having to ‘settle down’ – which basically means having to settle for much lower standards: for droopy tits, hanging bellies and liver spots.

Even worse, for the rest of the time you’ll have to deal with conversations like this as the norm (I actually overheard this yesterday)…

‘so, I’m off to Ibiza on Friday, can’t wait, gonna go to Space and get fucked’

‘oh, I’m so jealous… still, I’m off to see Jack Johnson next week, so that’ll be good’

WTF?? There wasn’t even a hint of irony in this.

Nas' Lost 1991 Demo Tape

This is a bit like some one telling you that there is an unlocked yet subtly hidden trap door in the floor of a cell you have been locked in for a few years. I just cant stop listening to it. It is the best new music i have heard in about 5 years, sort of new anyway.

Dog of the Week

FUCK!!

I didn't even know how right i was about old comedy routines now lacking in humour...

Check out this excerpt from one of Hitler's stand-up shows. I just don't get the joke??

Everybody hit the D.E.C.K.

Sublime.

Disappointing

how NOT AT ALL FUNNY most old comedy programs are. Especially the ones i used to love.

Dennis Pennis mostly just looks like a dick on reflection. Like this clip of him though.

Now I'm no Scientist

But how shit must razor blades be these days?

Even with all the ridiculous numbers of blades on razors these days I STILL have to repeat every stroke to get rid of all the shit on my face (and I barely even have stubble). By my calculations, if i do this with one of Gillette's 5 blade efforts, that means I'll have shaved my face 10 times with one of these things.

I've never asked my dad, but I'm pretty sure he didn't shave ten times every fucking morning when he was young.

What's the point? Stubble looks a million times better.

Very Rare

to see a man wearing a green shirt. Even more rare to see a man wearing a Green Suit. But the Green shirt, AND suit combo...

That shit is almost UNHEARD of. Despite being my favourite colour, I have to admit green is a really shitty colour. The only people who can wear green suits with any dignity are maths teachers; only 'cos they're so far out the loop that they probably have completely different lives... like that bit in the Simpsons where all the geeks have a secret land behind the lockers where they live with leprechauns and jockeys.

That must be why they wear green, I suppose.

I found th

When i searched for 'Conguitos' for the last post, this was one of the pictures that came up.






















Thought I should even it up a bit.

'Cómeme el coco, megs'

Remember that England friendly against Spain where Ashley Cole and Shaun Wright-Phillips got monkey chants all game? Or Spain's manager at the time, Luis Aragones, calling Henry a 'black shit'? That's not to mention Lewis Hamilton's family all turning out to watch him practice.

Anyway the Spanish seem to really enjoy a good stereotype or two:
(According to google 'Cómeme el coco, negro' could mean 'Eat My Cocoa Nigger', 'Worry me nigger' or 'Soft-soap me black man').



Aparently an Afro-Caribbean gentleman once watched the show and found it mildly amusing which means it cant be racist.
Theres a really boring article about this and those little Conguitos sweets (which have an equally questionable design) here.

I love a lot of things

about this picture.

I love the fact that for every piece of spam I receive wanting my bank details there are dozens of idiots whose greed gets the better of them and hand their lives over...

I love the fact that simultaneously there are a couple of people who have so much time on their hands that they construct complex stories for weeks on end just to get a picture of the Con Man doing something ridiculous.

I love the fact that they then put these pictures on the internet so I can see them.

And lastly, I also love that on Jesus' Second Coming*, he finds himself trying to hustle a living in Sierra Leone conning naive Europeans. What a shitty hand to be dealt.


* For those who don't get the reference... A loaf and some fish... And a Celtic shirt??! Of course the man is Jesus.

Where did it all go wrong?

I could listen to 90s RnB Hip Hop all day long... So why did it all change and turn into the worst music in the world? Thank God Biggie died before he got dragged down by it all.

Lil Kim - Crush on You (Remix) (Right Click to Save)

My Sister Took This...

not a lot to say. i just want others to know he exists, and to bask in his glow.

Girls in Summer - Footwear choices

it may be a bit over done, but there is something about big trainers on girls that warms the cockles... still.

Time Well Spent

Yesterday's most important work:

...And no one guessed??

So he does a song called 'Doing Alright with the Boys'...



And he does a song called 'Too Young To Dance'...


And also a song called 'Touch Me'...



And you're telling me no one ever guessed he was a paedophile??

In retrospect, does this not feel like watching 'I want to break free' after Freddie Mercury died of AIDS? ... In a way, I think we're all guilty.

LL Cool J

LL is a champion. Few other rappers have managed to achieve so much throughout the best years of hip hop and yet emerge without a shred of credibility.

I'm pretty sure that even before he starred in his own sitcom, the awful 'In The House' (with a woman's name - Marion), he was still a joke. He did manage to appear on some amazing posse cuts, albeit always with the weakest verse, and only by virtue of the fact that he was on Def Jam...

Still, I think he is my guiltiest of rap pleasures. I love hearing songs like this one...

LL Cool J feat. Total - Loungin' (Who do you love) RIGHT-CLICK TO SAVE

Dogs Dicks

really are horrible. Truly terrifying.

I presumed everyone would feel the same, but apparently alot more people are into it than i thought. this website is full of things you'd probably rather you never saw. the best part is when it describes a girl who fucked a dog - choosing the moment she got her fanny pierced to illustrate her lust for all things extreme... Sorry, but fucking a dog is ALOT more extreme than any piercing.

hello buddy

hello buddy

Door Blog pt.2

Turns out this blog is slowly turning into a catalogue of car accidents. How long until we have to up the ante and it turns into a fetish website for JG Ballard-types??

The best thing about this one is the sknny ginger guy who'd obviously made the mistake by opening the van door too quickly sat inside the car listening to lonely love songs like 'All by myself' until the AA turned up.