Friday, 13 February 2009

MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING NOISE PRESTON!!


If ever there’s been someone who fits the epitaph of ‘a cunt’ it’s Paul Danan. The guy shows such dedication to being utterly unlikable in every way that it really is quite impressive. Just look at his face. Few would look at a newborn baby and think that it would have the ability to morph itself into a physical manifestation of a cunt, and I bet Mrs Danan didn’t think it either, but Paul managed it. Maybe it was a mistake, an inadvertent accident from pulling a silly face when the wind changed direction, but far more likely is that Paul saw the pure evil that lurked within him and couldn’t resist showing it to show it to the world – in his face, in his actions, in every horrible word he utters. What an achievement.

They say no publicity is bad publicity, but somehow Paul has managed nothing but that since he was thrust onto the screen in Hollyoaks. Besides the Celebrity Love Island incidents; where he struggled to avoid raping every girl that he saw, started on an ex-nightclub bouncer who would have clearly fucking battered him, and whining to Callum Best to ‘please make me a drink mate, oh go on’, my favourite thing he did was lose his pantomime job in Jack and the Beanstalk in Preston by turning up to turn on their Christmas lights and tell the 3,000 people who’d turned up to ‘Make Some Motherfucking Noise!!’ as if he’s Flava Flav.

What a fascinating man. I could watch him all day.




8 comments:

louise said...

Cunt is a beautiful word, and if God hadn't wanted us to use it he wouldnt have invented him. What was that itv2 show he made where he went on that roadtrip with Calum Best and Fran Cosgrave ? That destroyed me. I've never been the same person since watching 10 minutes of that.

Robert Thumbs Downey Jr said...

"he struggled to avoid raping every girl that he saw"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA i just lolled outloud in the loaded office

Miss Jo Fuertes-Knight said...

I stood behind him in the queue at Tesco Express once. He was really small and orange and smelt like biscuits and was frothing ever so slightly at the sides of his mouth and made a point of saying 'fuck' in a really loud, obnoxious phone conversation. Yeah.

lunch said...

he smelt like biscuits.
thats amazing.
he is a horribly shitty boy man.
imagine what he'll be like when he's 50.
strange shit of a bloke.

JIRO said...

Im sure I read once years ago that Cameron Diaz has a restraining order against Paul Denan, I tried to find out if it was true but all I found was this picture of Cameron Diaz with wonky tits...

http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/mirror/nov2002/1/0/0005C9ED-6E70-1DE6-92E280C328ECFE6C.jpg

Anonymous said...

I saw him outside The Gilded Balloon in Edinburgh in 2002,my anecdote continues the same way as Ms Fuertes-Kingts'.

Anonymous said...

haha

Audreyisagoth said...

My mate Sam went out with him, god knows why. He sounded (from her second-hand report) like he was absolutely mental. Stupid girl.