Friday, 31 October 2008

Girls Playing Football

watching girls playing football is pretty embarassing. it looks like they're all kicking it with their wrong foot, and most of the goals are really just calamitous errors by the goalkeepers.

Even more embarassing is watching Women's Under 17 World Cup games like this one between Colombia and Denmark just because the girls are pretty fit... I hope no one saw me.

In truth I only watched about 10 minutes of it. The cameraman kept on zooming in on hotties like these girls, so i thought they were all fit. But i realised they kept on zooming in on these two because they were the only hot girls on the pitch. They weren't even the goalscorers. Shame on them.

Casual Fridays...

When I googled 'casual Friday' this picture came up with a caption saying "I LOVE CASUAL FRIDAYS" yeah? do you just? you fuck. I love going to the bank at 9.15 AM and seeing lots of neatly dressed people in suits, because that is reassuring. I don't want to see a load of cretins in Timberland boots and Evisu jumpers toying with my life's savings - which is exactly what i saw just now.
I can wear the same clothes two days running, and take my shoes of, and wear hats, and t shirts and jeans - because i don't work in a bank. fuck casual Friday, wearing a suit is part of the deal you turgid little shits, i am disgusted by this whole affair.

Thursday, 30 October 2008

Noel Edmonds - Evil or Not Evil

Only on answer - Evil. Much credit to whoever at Channel 4 persuaded Noel to dress up as THE MOST CONVINCING devil ever on Deal or No Deal tonight. I was really convinced for a split second. Noel wasn't even pantomime evil. I missed the first half of the show but from what I picked up, the guy playing was a reformed gambler who now has quite a few money problems and so was playing to get his life back on track.

Noel was intent not to help him though. He kept on goading him on into taking bigger and bigger risks. The guy settled for £8,000 quite early on and as they saw 'how he would have ended up', he was utlimately left with two boxes remaining (£3k and a £20k) plus his own (£8k). The Banker gave him the chance to come back into play so long as he opened his own box; no chance of swapping things areound. Obviously that's a possible £5k loss or a £12k win if the guy goes for it, and Noel really didn't let him forget that. He kept on reminding the guy how much of a real gambler he used to be and how much he had to win if he went for it, had £20k in his box and won it. The guy bottled it though and stuck at £8k.

Predictably, the guy ended up disappointed, and only had the consolation of loads of strangers dressed as zombies to tel him how much of a 'great guy' he is, despite the fact they've only just met him. He could be a fucking child molesterer for all they know.


This is the future. You can't fight it.


Tuesday, 28 October 2008

I am an Anal Cunt fan

Anal Cunt are one of my favourite bands, I'm not joking or trying to be clever, I really listen to them all the fucking time, often on the tube to work because that is when I am most disappointed with the world. I'm sure you think they are gimmicky and I am dumb and I should be over bands like this now but I completely stand by them. They are these really gross folks from Boston lead by a man called Seth Putnam, a kind of Jim Goad set to music. Seth is an extremely physically unattractive horrible scumbag with a drug problem who is constantly on bail for violent crimes and spent 2 months in a heroin induced coma a few years ago, which means now he often just performs sitting in an arm chair, he is also fat, balding and past forty, he sounds cool huh? His lyrics are completely out of this world hilarious, they're clever and totally irreverent and he's pissed off about all the right things and he wants to annoy all the right people, I'm not going to quote examples, just read through the lot of them on the link, they are all gold, maybe we can post our favourites later. The music is amazing too, sometimes it's total blurgrind, sometimes you can make out a chorus ("BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE"), sometimes it's really simple and doomy and sometimes there's a really brutal shredded riff. The speed they play at can be totally insane, Seth's vocals sound like paper being torn up and the guitar sounds like an electric meat cleaver. It is just the best. I love black metal but for all those guys' talk about hating PC behaviour all they really did was hint at not liking Jews and sing about the countryside, Anal Cunt takes that shit to the brink and no one can beat them (all those porngrind bands are pale imitations for pervy losers). Here is their discography, I reckon the best albums to go for are Top Forty Hits and It Just Gets Worse. Go get 'em champ.

Seth with his walking stick

Seth at a party

In more limber, athletic days

An interview

Note Leaving

More beauts like this here


The Future Of Unholy Christmas

The heinously premature appearance of Christmas shit usually really pisses me off. But check out John Lewis with thier Unholy Black Inverted Tree of Sodom. That is pretty thumbs down shit right there. Well done John.

Monday, 27 October 2008

Hit Booster

Here's a picture of Pixie Geldof shopping in Fopp, maybe we'll get as many hits as we did when Matt put up a picture of the OC girl gurning in a club. Maybe not.

That's her in the middle of the three on the left, I promise.


Further to the I-post earlier this week, I was in a sex shop today and I spotted these:

You plug them into your ipod and from your ipod to your bottom/front bottom and then you get all nice tingles and stuff in time to the music. Apologies for the shitty quality photos but flash photography is generally frowned upon in the kind of establishment that I found these in.

Weekend Jokes

This weekend I went out, on Thursday I went to Plastic People for XL's new signing's single launch, then on Friday I went to the Macbeth for International Amalgamation of Champions and Saturday to Blaise's for dinner and then Hotel Pacific in Dalston for some music I don't understand but actually enjoyed.

Rodaidh looking extremely composed playing sophisticated music.

Couples Djing (gross/cute).

Will, Will and Jon. Jon had a Queen t shirt on and he totally means it.

Liam getting down to Cro Mags.

Ted was at the Macbeth cashing in on being 'Jumper Guy' again. He probably got his dirty end away because of it again.

Barbours are still very much de rigour.

Chris never has a bad word to say about anyone.

Noodles and Broth team meeting.

Some doom band that were a bit like Earth and didn't smile much. They were good.

Fred throwing up some kind of gang style hand gesture.

Dan Knight was at the Macbeth, his band Ted Maul is supporting Slayer next month, he says you can get as big a guest list as you want if you give the doorman at the venue two grams of coke.

Bored looking girls are fucking great.

Some girl was handing out totally pointless and gay flyers. When will fine art students grow up? Shit like this doesn't make me think it just makes me bored.

Max Harrison didn't think much of the art at the Macbeth.

You know you're from old money if you have a book about pheasants written by a man called Sir Ralph Payne-Gallwey, Bart. just hanging around in your flat.

Dmitri is a stand up fella and has recorded a cd of Elvis songs.

Chris is a boozehound.

Why would you let this get printed onto a proper plastic sign without spell-checking it? Why didn't the printers even do anything about it?

Hotel Pacific was the birthplace of Shirts Off 08. Rayner is gross but look at how much Jake of Feeding Time fame looks like a disgruntled paedophile at the beach. I think he wants you to stop blocking his view of the topless tweens in the nursery pool.


I know all hipsters are pretty rich and spoiled and I went to private school but I'm talking about those kids at parties who are worth twenty million quid-plus. To the untrained eye they seem kind of normal and you can easily find yourself talking to one, after a minute or two of conversation, however, you'll realise they may as well be from Mars. Have you seen them around? They can be hard to spot but you can get the hang of it.
  • They wear entirely monochrome outfits
  • They eat weird special diets even though they're boys.
  • They never know anything about music but they always know loads about fashion.
  • They don't understand Vice and think it's mean.
  • They are always super cheesy about how much they like someone.
  • They have Addison Lee accounts to get them home from parties.
  • Instead of wearing garish pretend jewellery they wear garish real jewellery.
  • The girls will talk to you but never sleep with you because they are a bit scared of going to your dirty flat.
  • The boys will talk to you but never sleep with you because they are always kind of gay.
  • They think Osaka Tiger trainers are acceptable footwear.
  • Their skin is great but they are a bit tubby from all the rich food.
  • They never come to the pub because they don't get how to drink beer.
  • Their facebook photos seem to feature a giant motor yacht and a lot of expensive looking sunglasses.
  • They never talk about having to get up for work.
And that is how you spot a richster.

The journey into adulthood

I reckon you change more between the ages of 19 and 23 than you do any other time before that. In your teens nothing about you intrinsically changes because you live at home and so any changes you make are really just changes in your look, as your lifestyle is still 'my mum looks after me'. When you leave home you're thrust into adulthood and you have to realise that you only live once, so playing around with serious personas or saying you're the kind of person who won't do this or won't do that might restrict you in living to the max, so you slowly mellow your teenage extremity and go with what you're most comfortable with. One of my favourite transformations out of folk I've known that long is straight edge vegan youth crew pudding-bowler with love of french post-hardcore and first person in Britain to join Myspace to shirtless alcoholic ginger rock pig big-shot photographer who eats steak borritos with both hands and could care less about seven-inches. Well done Megs.

I like their music but I don't know much about their culture

Is this a jizz-mopper?

Sunday, 26 October 2008

Gay Order

This is a long way from making songs with Ian Curtis about loneliness and losing your mind... The vest and short shorts combo is killing it though. It's worth listening to for when Bernard comes in with the vocals and realises he's singing in an unsustainably high note and so suddenly drops down to a bassy whisper.


I know taking stuff from popular blogs is total cop-out cheatsies but this video on Lesley Arfin's page was just too precious not to post.

I can't really think of a better way to describe it either:

"This is like a barf wrapped in a douche wrapped in a cringefactor 3000 answering machine and the only message you can leave is the sound of your own pathetic life."

Although I'm going to try:

This is like those silent raves but amped up to 10,000. Smug, creepy douchebags getting together and feeling pleased with themselves for doing something totally pathetic and gay. The best guy in this is the Italian rapist who seems to have found his sensitive side.

(Proper post with photos and stuff coming tomorrow evening after I finish at the video game store. xxx)

Saturday, 25 October 2008

Pervert Alert

I never knew Flickr was home to so many fucking perverts. This girl has uploaded photos of her friends and invited loads of guys to comment about how much they want to jerk off on her face and stuff, and predictably the guys do. The best part is that by cliking on the guys profiles you can see their really boring holiday snaps and pictures of their wives and stuff. I thought that was pretty cool. And then THIS GUY turns up, and posts loads of pictures of him in womens underwear. Of course, he's not an idiot so he makes sure he doesn't get his face in the pictures. Except that he IS a complete fucking retard so he uses a normal picture of his face as his profile shot. I'd really recommend looking at his photostream; some of his pictures are so funny and warped I didn't want to put them on here in case somone were to walk past and see what you're looking at. Unbelievable.

Cum on Feet

Ha! You thought you were pretty clever because you knew that Quasimoto was actually Madlib, only with his voice speeded up. You probably thought you were a 'real hip hop head' and knew everything about Stones Throw and how best to 'make the best rolled Ls'.

But I bet you probably didn't even know that he has a firghtening foot fetish and that the song 'comeonfeet' has a worrying sub-text about wanking on women's shoes. True story. This group on Flickr has some of the photos.

Quasimoto - Come on Feet (right-click to download)

Thursday, 23 October 2008


I was going to keep them a secret, but Dominic inspired me to show you.

Christmas Songs lol!!

Now that summer's over with, I'm swiftly moving on to Christmas. I can't fucking wait for it this year. Check out this blog to download loads of Christmas music now so that you can spend the whole of December listening to cheery tunes.